Oliver Queen Application WIP

[shane]

Basic Information

Basic Information

Player Nickname: The Hood

Would you like feed back. (Yes)
Which DCU Earth are you applying to?: Earth (1-4)

Character Origin: (TV-Show As well as own judgment of the character.)



Face Claim's Name: Stephan Amell



Name: Oliver Queen
Alias: Arrow or The Green Arrow.
Race: Human
Age: 29
Birthday: May 16, 1985.
Alignment: Chaotic Good.

Height: Six Foot, Seven inches.
Weight: Two hundred, twenty three pounds.
Hair: Short Dirty Blond, Near light brown.
Eyes: Azure
Physique: Tall, Muscular, Broad shoulders, between clean and scruff. Looks a bit rough around the edges. Close to a Military to a MMA fighter build.


Training: (Martial Arts; Karate, Jujitsu. Military combat training. Archery, Hunting, Survival tactics, Skilled in lying. As well as hiding.

Equipment: Smart phone, Throw away phone, Cloak, with a hood. Tight pants, Harness, Three Military grade, light weight daggers. Arrows with (Tracking devises attached, Listening devices, Recorders, and small explosive arrows.) Bow: His bow is a three and a half foot bow. Easily portable, with a attachable and detachable harness. It has a vamped site on it, that not only is the most accurate money can buy. But also allows him to see heat levels at a close distance. It is made out of a soft metal, allowing a larger pull back, and stretch then most bows at that length. With a durable, but powerful metal cord. Making sure that the cord wont break, but also giving it a rubber band like effect. Along with the durability of his bow. Allowing long ranged shots, as strong as most bows close ranged shots. With a black outer appeal, his bow also has a small storage pack. Allowing him to put away arrow heads, trackers, along with small daggers of sorts. Without counteracting the weight of the bow. Being a light metal, and small bow it is easily maneuverable as well as very easy to run around with. Without getting warn out or weighed down.
Powers / Abilities

(List as many as you need)

Ability - The ability to think fast on his feet. Cunning, Wisdom.

Ability - Movement Speed, Fighting speed.

Ability - Strength, stronger then he appears.

Ability - Site, Arrow is one of the best bows men. (Much like a Sniper.)



Weaknesses

(List as many as you need)

Weakness - Family, is one of his biggest weakness'.

Weakness - Himself, Arrow always wants to see the good in people that he likes. To the people around him, this could be considered his own weakness. To try and Uplift the wrongs. Being blinded by what he is actually creating in his quest to fix the wrongs. (Chaos.)

Weakness - Women, Arrow tends to fall for women who he sees much like himself. Which can be a weakness, If seen from the outside eyes.



Character Time Line

(Adjust the years as necessary, the current Justice League RP takes place in 2014. You may have less than 5 years, but nothing greater than 5.)



Year 1 (2012)

(Keep these brief and treat them like bullet points.)

- Oliver was on the Queens Gambit With his Girlfriends sister. When it was shipwrecked. Oliver found a island, washing ashore.

- Oliver found his fathers "Black Book" While burying him. And meets Yao Fei. Who saves Oliver, Training him, Yao Fei tries to help Oliver survive.

- Yao Fei was captured, by Edward Fyers. A Military like government on the Island. That continues to hunt Oliver, along with other few people on the island down.

- Oliver meets Shado, who ends up training Oliver more. Bringing out his "Animalistic" Side. In which case, Helps Oliver off of the island.

Year 2 (2013)

- Oliver Queen Made It home after five years on the Island. Presumed dead along side his father. With the black book. Vowing to undo all the wrongs his fathers and others have created, returning to Stirling City.

-Arrow first appears on the same day as Olivers welcome home party. Threatening a old -Friend- Of his father to return the stolen money. When it wasn't returned He used forced action to do so.


- Police officers and Newspapers started calling "Arrow" "The Hood" A vigilante Archer.


- Oliver Meets a woman named Helena, a woman that much like himself carries a lot of anger for the "Politics." Of the city. But more so in her father. For killing her fiancé. However, Helena doesn't mind killing the innocent. Arrow tries to create a relationship to try and help her understand. Teaching her how to use a bow. They seperated with large differences.




Audition post


Scenario Helena Took Tommy



Wind rushed past a long cape, leather gloves gripped the handles. Twisting, engines roared. The smell of rubber filled the air, scrapping against the streets of Starling, Two bikes road, chasing. Armored cars, quickened, speeding up. Splitting off, Broad shoulders, wide chest lowered. Muscles Rippled. Against the wind, Black streaked threw the air. On the motorcycle like a eagle souring threw the skies. Eyes upon its prey. Anger fumed, flaring threw the wheels of the motorcycle. Raising up, a gloved hand drew back. Yanking the bow from his back. A along side a arrow. Drawing it back, The bowman shot. One single arrow before a free right hand grabbed the handle once more. While a Armored car streaked, wheel exhaled its last breathe of air. A single boot hit the ground a bike spun. To a halting stop. The black leather, clinging to his frame. Heat beaming against him. Causing himself to damn near over heat. While the first cop shot out of the car a arrow unsheathed. Flying towards him then the second at the next cop. That stepped out. Arrows flung threw clothing. Metal, holding the cop right against the car. Without any damage to they're frames.


The bowman the archer approached the hind doors of the armored car, hoping preying the target. Was within, though when the doors flung open, pure fear, worry rang threw his tall frame. Heart nearly stopped. Head shot around. A whisper escaped his full lips. "Helena." A large frame turned, running back to his bike. Arrow kicked down, with a roaring engine coming on. He sped off. Back, towards the other armored van. He had to catch her. Before she had killed anyone. And with good haste, Arrow was speeding towards her. In hopes that he would find her before she had caused anymore damage. Without risking the life of Tommy. Turning the corner, there it was. There everything was, playing out. A dead cop sprawled out over the street, Helena's Cross bow pointed directly at the second cop.


Swiftness of his hand came forth, a angered tone erupted from full lips from behind a black helmet. "Helena! Don't do this!" That angered tone screamed for her to stop, screamed for her to listen. He had hopped that he could have helped her in some way take more presence in life. Then this. But this was a fault he could not help. A Mistake he could not redeem so easily. Hearts sped, blood rushed, nothing was helping nothing was fixing the subject. Nothing could have helped this. Besides the lowering of her Cross bow. "He has to die, We both know it." Azure hues closed for a second. In realization that Helena was nothing more then a murderer with a vendetta. She hadn't cared for anything else but the end of her father. Arrow had trained her helped her, and this was to be his payment. With the release of the Arrow. It sped, flying threw the air. Knocking the cross bow from her hand. Only to draw a second Arrow. Sending it straight to her father. Within the open doors of the Armored van. A arrow, that had a toxin on it. A dose that would send her father straight to sleep. With no more harm to him besides a Arrow in his shoulder.


"It's done, Now where is Tommy!" Arrow spoke seriously. A tone unforgiving, While a Arrow was drawn pointed right at Helena. He could kill her, He could, right there and then. He would, however he couldn't.. She had something of his. Someone he cared about, and he had no proof that Tommy would be okay. No real placement on where Tommy was. Helena laughed, her laugh as devious as a fox. "I'll text you the coordinates." Brows furrowed. "Now!" Arrow demanded, while Helena moved to her motorcycle shaking her head. "I don't trust you that much Arrow. You'd shoot me dead right here." Letting out a thick Growl Arrow harnessed his bow. And Arrow, watching her speed off.


Growling in pure anger, Arrow wanted her dead, wanted to shoot her right there and then. Be done with it all, Even though they had delicate nights together. Had reasons to hate things, had reasons to like each other. He couldn't help but to think, he had helped to create a monster. To create a murderer, and someone that he couldn't run around Stirling City. Even though he had once cared for the woman. For Helena, He would have to do something about her eventually, and now it was apparent. He would have to do it sooner then later. But first, he had to get Tommy back. Before she would kill him off to. But for now it was a waiting game. A game that he wasn't to fond of. Or that good at.

[Lucifer Morningstar]

I would suggest asking Helena before using her in any part of your profile. I dislike the fact that you basically took a scene from the show and used it here. I want to see a post from you, not a re-scripted scene from the show. You proved you can post, but I can't approve this until I see a post that isn't a scripted scene.

[shane]

Technically, I had no knowledge of a "Helena" To even be aware of this. Nor have I seen the show that much. I knew she was a big part in season one with Arrows personality. Thus' that is why I used her character from the show. I was making no regard towards "The role player character of Helena." So I would not know, who to use if Anyone to play out a scene with any other person. Then Arrow just doing push ups. I thought it was just a post of writing skill, not a post of perfection. This is why I felt comfortable using a scene that I had previously seen. Due to having a writers block. In my own words, and my own perspective of what Arrow would have been thinking about. And what not. I guess it's back to the writing board, Posted it as a W-I-P.

[Batman]

1. Oliver is not 6'7", if he were he would tower over Deathstroke's height who is (6'5" or 6'4") Superman is 6'3", Batman 6'2", and Wonder Woman 6'1". Oliver officially is 5'11" according to DC comics. This mistake is not a big issue, but it is a tell-tale sign of potential problems.

2. For the audition post, we don't care what characters you have in it or whatever you want them to do. We don't care if Helena Bertinelli is used. If you wanted to insert Batman or Lucifer, we don't care. The purpose is for you to write a situation that displays your character's personality.

3. Audition post expectations are below and they are found on the application when you first fill it out.

Audition Post Guidelines -
Minimum of 2 paragraphs
NO MORE than 8 paragraphs
Personality presented
Combat Style (If a combat situation is presented.)
Articulation and descriptive ability (We don't want 3 paragraphs describing the flowing motion of a cape.)

4. Your abilities need some brushing up, you're missing quite a few of Oliver's abilities and and break them down very simply. For example, I don't know what a "Site" is in this context. I'm sure you mean "Sight" but the context still doesn't make sense. Essentially brush up on his abilities; research them and better articulate what they are. (We do -not- want a copy and pasted answer. We want your words describing his abilities.)

His "weaknesses" are well done.

5. I didn't like the audition post for more reasons than just what Slade said about it being a "script" from the show. I want you to rewrite it because A) It felt like a new driver with a stick-shift...Stop. Go-stop. Go. Stop-go. Stop.....Just kept doing that over and over and over and over again...It pissed me off and made this very difficult to read. I don't know what novels you read that write like that, but I would avoid using them and probably refer to something more like J.K Rowling, Michael Crichton, Richard Castle, Tom Clancy, Daniel Keys Moran, Kevin J. Anderson, Michael Martin, Richard Knaak...

You might see a pattern here; good writers for some pretty big titles they have written for.

6. There is no image for your FC.

7. Your timeline is off a bit, Oliver Queen returned in 2012 from 5 years on the island. Additional problems with the Timeline and going strictly off the "Arrow-universe" is that Dinah "Laurel" Lance is based on the comics where she lives in Gotham City, along with Huntress (Helena Bertinelli / Helena Wayne) So this takes two essential characters away from your Arrow's history, if you want to work them into it, I suggest speaking with them when you get the chance. Furthermore; Lucifer (Deathstroke / Slade) is also based upon the Deathstroke comics, so once again, if you're approved you'll need to adjust your timeline a bit for that as well.

Dinah / Black Canary is willing to work with mostly anyone, she's a fantastic RPer and she watches Arrow as well, so you two can mesh timelines and make something work from there.

Overall - you have a bit of improvement to make. Having Oliver lash out was good in your audition post, but due to your stop and go writing I lost a lot of focus and emotional strength the scene could've generated. I recommend you take a read over applications in "limbo" second on the forum as well the rejected and accepted areas. Read our feedback to the players; it'll help you better understand what we're looking for.

Additionally...

dc.wikia.com/wiki/Oliver_Queen_(New_Earth)
www.comicvine.com/green-arrow/4005-5936/

^ Excellent resources to better understand the character.

Keep in mind, *most* of the admins watch Arrow. Lucifer (Slade) and I are most up to date with it as well we both read the comics and have watched Green Arrow in other media. If you have Netflix, I recommend you check out "Justice League: Unlimited" to gather more of Oliver's personality outside of his broody Batman-wannabe personality that Arrow has given him.

Make these changes and let us know. You have potential, just need to see it more focused. You need to ease back on comma and period spamming; create *sentences* that are connected to the bigger picture. One word descriptions are also not desirable as they don't say much in terms of whatever it is you're trying to describe.

[Lucifer Morningstar]

I might add about your style if since it was a scripted scene the leaves questions about your actual ability . I don't want to see what you think will impress us as far as length. I want to see what you actually post in an rp. I am personally a reaction, cause, effect rper. I create a situation, I react accordingly. I am not a novela rper like Bruce and others are. I tend to chain together what other people do. In a fight I find flaws with the way people fight because I was an mma fighter. I am giving you this information because I believe you have a shot. Oliver is a reactionary hero like most heroes are. He doesn't plan, after the list there is no thought behind what he will do. Who he will go after Batman is a more of a proactive hero. Batman goes out every night with the thought I hope I run into some punk with a gun. Oliver goes out every night with the hope hat he doesn't that it's s slow night and he doesn't have to react.

[Black Canary]

I haven't seen any progress on this profile.
Have the questions been answered yet?
I would be willing to help and give advice if asked.