Dr. Calgori Application

[Black Canary]

I must say this is a very clever original character.
And a lot of thought has gone into him.
I like the thought of a steam punk hero as well as adding some special abilities to him.

But he seems to be a bit overpowered.
I could see the focus of an inventor to be more focused on his mind than his body, but if he is adventurer perhaps he is more balanced.

I don't think he would have telepathy; and I think that either controlling electricity or machines would be enough not both. Adding alchemy and magic to a very science focused individual doesn't seem to mix as well as the

What are the major events for him? Was it finding or creating the philospher's stone? Did it give him his abilities. It might be easier to follow which ones were granted by the stone.

When he disappeared what happened to him? did he time travel? did he hide away in a cave recovering?

Perhaps to make the character more dynamic add a weakness that if he doesn't have the stone he loses some of his abilities.

Also how does he handle modern technology? is he confused with it, does he prefer his steampunk work instead?

Also please add a faceclaim to associate with him.

from the audition post, I like that he is a bit cocky and crazy, but I feel like we need to know more of what is going on in his head other than he is an adventurer. What motivates him?

[Lucifer Morningstar]

Honestly what purpose does a healing factor, enhanced reflexes or peak conditioning serve a technopath. Alchemy is also a pointless ability here. the fact that you mention the philosopher's stone makes me not to happy either. I think that it lacks focus. and needs to be reevaluated. I agree with Dinah Science and magic do not mix well in DC. Your character is all over the place. Focus it a bit more, take away some of the more random powers that you think makes him special such as the healing factor and enhanced reflexes. They are pointless to have with what I think you are going for.

Not approved.

[Batman]

Oct 7, 2014 11:15:32 GMT -5 @drcalgori1850 said:

Basic Information

Player Nickname: Nicholas


Do you want other role players to give you feed back? Yes


Which DCU Earth are you applying to?: Earth 1


Character Origin: Original



Face Claim's Name: James McAvoy



Name: Dr. Nicholas Calgori
Alias: Dr. Steam
Race: Human
Age: Looks 25
Birthday: N/A
Alignment: Chaotic Good


Height: 6' 6"
Weight: 220 lbs

Hair:
Brown
Eyes:
Blue
Physique: Tall and Muscular

Training: Martial Arts: Swordsmanship, Bataireacht, Coraiocht, Dornálaíocht, Parkour, Marksmanship, Education: , Occultism, Demonology, Mechanical Engineering and Design, Weapons Technology, Metaphysics, Electrical engineering and design, parapsychology, paranormalogy, Theology


Equipment: Battle suit, Tesla Rod, Tesla Gun, Unbreakable Blades, Mask with enhanced vision capabilities, binoculars, bombs, utility belt, grappling hook, Time travelling airship

1. Get a URL for your character's picture. Google image search can help you with this.

2. You spammed the "Enter" key WAY too many times throughout this whole application and never corrected it, it's annoying to scroll 10 miles of blank space.

3. Pick an age range. He's human, he should have one.

Oct 7, 2014 11:15:32 GMT -5 @drcalgori1850 said:

Powers / Abilities

(List as many as you need)

Technopathy- Manipulate Machinery through thought

Swordsmanship-Dr. Calgori is a Master swordsman at using the basket hilt or hand and a half claymore

Genius Level Intellect- Can figure out the most complicated of mechanical problem in a snap or fix anything the average scientist can't

Marksmanship- Due to a long career in the Highland Guard as well as years of being a hunter, Dr. Calgori is an expert marksman.

Heightened Senses- Living in the wilderness of Scotland most of his life, Doctor Calgori developed heightened senses 

Combat Expert- Though formidable at a distance, his main strength is up close

Makeshift mastery- Dr. Calgori can make a weapon out of the simplest of things.


Weaknesses

(List as many as you need)

Human- Normal life span, mortality

Insanity- Due to his nature of being alone most of the time, it's driven him to the edge.

Technological adjustment-Due to his coming to the current time, it's taken Dr. Calgori a while to adjust to this years technology

4. He can manipulate machinery with thought - This is a lot like Cyborg, Brainiac, Promethius, and The Metal Avatar. This can be really interesting and good.

5. Genius Level intellect - You have to contrast this, Dr. Calgori is the "Toyman" of his era, so to speak...But when brought into a modern setting there is a HUGE technological gap.

6. Combat Expert - makes no sense if he spent a significant amount of time isolated from humanity.

7. Additionally on this subject, if he's isolated from humanity why does he care about what happens to it?

8. If he's insane, we need to know more about this...Is he going to start chucking bombs at random people? Is he going to randomly start screaming at people? Is he going to crash his airship into random buildings? More detail about his insanity please.

10. Heightened Senses - Is actually incorrect for this. It would be "Heightened Awareness" or "Alertness" since his "smell" is human, but he is more aware of what is around him. Additionally this is a flawed ability to have since he's from a steam punk era where *steam* and machinery could clog his hearing, smell, and possibly vision (Goggles depending here.)

11. Marksmanship - It should be worthy of note, 19th century guns were not accurate at all beyond something like 20 yards. Additionally the weapons of such era do not contrast to the weapons of the modern era. You should specify this that he has an expertise with *older* designed weapons around the early 20th century and 19th century.

12. Wilderness Survival is not listed as an ability.

Oct 7, 2014 11:15:32 GMT -5 @drcalgori1850 said:

Character Time Line

Current Time

Year 1 (1892)

(Keep these brief and treat them like bullet points.)

-Dr. Calgori discovers Time Travel

-Rival Scientist finds out and attempts to steal plans

-Gets plans back

-Makes maiden voyage

Year 2 (2014)

-After a few years of time travel, Dr. Calgori decides to take a break

-Comes to this time to find a part needed to get back home

-Starts to like this time

-Starting to adjust but needs work

-Arrives at Justice League after hearing about need for more heroes

13. Well done, but it could go a bit more into the depth of his origin.

Oct 7, 2014 11:15:32 GMT -5 @drcalgori1850 said:

Audition post



Audition Post Guidelines -

Minimum of 2 paragraphs

NO MORE than 8 paragraphs

Personality presented

Combat Style (If a combat situation is presented.)

Articulation and descriptive ability (We don't want 3 paragraphs describing the flowing motion of a cape.)


    An Airship comes flying through the sky toward a nearby structure. The structure being that of the Hall of Justice. Within the cockpit stands a man, dressed in what seems to be clothing from the early 19th Century. Upon his eyes are fitted pilot's goggles.  The Airship slowly drifts downward toward the lawn, where it lands.  The man steps out, upon his head was a long mop of hair, yet it was kept meticulous, in the man's piercing blue eyes was a look of madness, but also zeal and curiosity. By the looks of this man, you would think he stepped right out of a Charles Dickens novel, but that was not the case. He was a brilliant inventor, who had seen many lives and many years, but he still seemed as young as he was when he started his studies. Dr. Nicholas Calgori is the man's name, inventor, alchemist, and  unbeknownst to others, a vigilante. When not hard at work in his lab, Dr. Calgori becomes Dr. Steam, a mysterious man behind a white mask with blackened eye sockets. This very being struck fear into the hearts of many men. When surrounded, he would draw his Tesla Rod and charge it, and within minutes he was using it to counter each foes blow only to deliver a powerful electric shock which would render them unconscious.

    Dr. Calgori would enter the doors of the Hall and call out in a heavy Scottish accent, "Hello, anyone passin' through here?" Hoping to get an answer he would greet Batman, which he heard was quite the difficult person to get along with. He greeted him in his usual gentlemanly tone when greeting anyone he had never met before, "Sir, I am here on the hopes of filling this needed position. I am more than well qualified for such a thing. So if you would give me a chance. I would like to show you." Then, out of the blue, one of the combat robots attacked Nicholas which only caused him to throw it over his shoulder and get it in a standing armbar, which caused the robot's limb to break. Others surrounded him which he used this opportunity to take the arm and use it as a weapons. He swung it about blocking blows coming at his body with each end of the arm and hitting his foes with deadly accuracy toward the head, abdomen, and legs of the machines. He stopped and dropped the arm as all of the training bots fell around him, "So does that land me the job?" He breathed a bit heavily with a smile still on his face. The reason he wanted to join this was his motivation for justice, his need for it. The very thing that keeps him going, the need and drive to benefit mankind. 

    Dr. Calgori looked at the computer for one moment and scratched his chin, "Tell me, is this a Typewriter based machine or just a fancy one with bells and whistles? I mean this technology, is still a bit of a mystery to me. I prefer my own machines, as they do not require so much wiring, just a bit of oil and some sort of fuel source and they're up and running. This, this on the other hand seems far too complicated." He shook his head looking it over, "I mean, how is this thing fueled. I see no tesla coils, hoses, or even a door for coal." 

    

14. I didn't like this audition post. This was an opportunity for you to relish in your character's origin. Why does he hunt down paranormal creatures? Why is his personality the way it is? This is an opportunity for you to do an "origin" prior to time travel. Everything in this post could be done in a roleplay and actually be a good story to interact with others.

Also how did he get information about Batman's personality? How did he know to come to the Hall of Justice? How did his airship even get close without being intercepted? Were the JLA expecting him? Did they communicate with him prior? These are all questions that are provoked by the scene.

Additionally the fight sequence showed little but muscle flexing, which is a part of his personality but, I think showing his intelligence and knowledge of the occult would be far more impressive. To read about him hunting a Werewolf in London, or a Yeti in China. It's up to you if you want to give this section another shot. I think you're selling your character short though, you could do a lot better.


15. I don't see anything connecting him to the paranormal or occult. He's a vigilante which implies he operates outside the law against criminals not monsters that "don't exist." If he's going to be fighting crime, having a supernatural aspect to the character seems pointless. Batman dabbles with occult things such as Vampires, Werewolves, Mooses, Zombies, and Mummies with no occult knowledge, only strategy and mythology on the creatures he fights. Maybe Calgori could be the same.

16. Overall, it's a decent application. I'd like to see some revision in it. Do some changes and get a bit more detailed about him.


And get rid of all the extra damn empty spaces.

[Deleted]

I withdrew my application only because I had to reduce and water down my character. I don't like bringing down my characters to a level where they seem so vulnerable that the simplest of hero or villain, heck even civilian could take him down. 

[Black Canary]

I'm very sorry to see you taking down your application.
I saw the changes that you made and I was very impressed with the improvements, he seemed very focused and I loved the time travel angle.
Sure this version was no Superman, but he had a lot of power from his inventing and machine controlling abilities. I think most villians or heroes would struggle against him.
And he still had a lot of fighting potential.
The part that I thought the best of him was that he had experience. He had faced all kinds of strange and occult things, traveled through time and met interesting characters, and could whip out an awesome steam punk invention to help himself and others.
We were not trying to be mean or water down your character. I saw a lot of good in him and I thought he could do a lot more with out all the extras. I do hope you reconsider.

[Batman]

Some of the most powerful characters have the greatest of weaknesses.

Almost every human character is vulnerable to the point the "simplest" heroes, villains, or civilians could kill them.

A gunshot could kill most of the non-meta human characters. None of us have a problem with this fact. You're losing sight of roleplay and focused on power that you can't see the greater good or development of the character.

Additionally you removed those abilities rather than stand behind them and explain why your character needs them.

Thanks for applying and I'm sorry that things didn't work out.